So yesterday I went shopping. I HATE shopping. I hate clothes shopping, I hate food shopping, I hate 'stuff' shopping. But yesterday my friends would have been proud of me. I did, what I have dubbed, 'Ana style shopping'. And I mean that as a compliment, although I'm not sure Juan would agree! Let me explain...'Ana style shopping' is not being afraid to buy something you like. You see, I'm usually too cheap and have the mindset that I don't really need something. Well, I guess some of Ana has rubbed off on me :) For example, I have a toaster oven, but wanted a new one. The old me would have thought, "Gee it would be nice to have a new one, but the old one works just fine," big sigh, "I'll just keep the old one." Now I know many of you are thinking that there's nothing wrong with that line of thought. However, what you have failed to ask is, "How old is the toaster oven?" Let's just say that my mother bought it for me in college. So yeah, wanting a new one isn't so unreasonable. So...I bought a new one. Yea me!

Then I went to Costco. Who knew a single woman would have a use for the place, but I do. Anyway, I spotted some cute tumblers. I have seen them before, but have always passed them up. Then yesterday I thought, "Why not? I like them and they don't cost very much." So I got them! Again, yea me! And when I got home, I realized that I had more wine glasses then drinking glasses. So now I think they're even. And while we are on the subject of Costco, did you know that you could buy caskets and urns on their website? It's true!

Blocked calls. WTH?? Someone called my cell last night and when I went to see who it was it said, "Blocked". Now, I know it was on the callers end since I have no idea how to block calls on my phone. So I ask, "Why bother calling me AND blocking your number?" I always screen my calls. Oh, and who ever it was didn't leave a message. Whatever...
 
WTF?? I am now having anxiety attacks over testing! This is ridiculous! I need a new career. And when I say anxiety attacks, I mean crying, shortness of breath and flappy hands. Yes, flappy hands, I haven't had flappy hands in years.

Okay, so everyone likes to see a number cuz that's all politicians can understand. They equate high numbers on a test with smart people and good teachers...dumbasses! So now someone can look at my class's test scores and judge me as a teacher, and they do. Most will never admit it, but they do. Sadly, no one sees, cares or deals with my students. All they see is a number. Do they care that I have 3 students in Special Education? No, they just better achieve 'Proficient' on the test. Do they care that one is called names and made fun of at home, by an adult in the home? No, they just better achieve 'Proficient' on the test. Do they care that several have to get up at 5 in the morning to be shipped to a babysitter so the parent can go to work? No, they just better achieve 'Proficient' on the test. Do they care that while several do not qualify for Special Education, they will in a few years (cuz then they'll be really behind and we can then give them help)? No, they just better achieve 'Proficient' on the test. Do they care that English is a second language to many (good for them for knowing two languages!)? No, they just better achieve 'Proficient' on the test. Do they care that the care giver is abusive, a drug addict, alcoholic, has limited education, a drug dealer, a prostitute, a gang member, or a petty thief who is in and out of prison? No, they just better achieve 'Proficient' on the test.

These are not excuses, but the reality of my job and many lives around our country. Do I think that R can get a 'Proficient' on the state test? No, not this year. Is that a bad thing? I don't think so. R is a nice student with a lot going on in the home. Maybe when things settle down in a few years (hopefully sooner) R will be able to achieve full potential. Until then, I can only do my best. But I guess my best isn't good enough.

I see these kids for 6.5 hours per day for 180 days. Oh wait, minus three day....furlough, ya know, not enough money for the future so, cut the year short. I am NOT a fucking miracle worker! I do what I can. I work my ass off at my job. Just look at it sometime, I mean, it really is flat. I work afterschool, I come home and work, I work on weekends, summers and all vacations in between. And for what? To feel like a shitty, no good teacher.

So now I am left to beat myself up, cuz the public and the Right isn't doing a good enough job of that. I thank you for listen (well reading really) rant. I do feel better.

Oh, and if you hear of a really great job opportunity that would be great for me, give me a call :)
 
Why is an independent woman such a bad thing in the minds of so many people? So I finally called my dad -- whom I haven't spoken with in 2 months. We were 'catching up'. Although it was slightly superficial as we each get information about the other from my aunt. At any rate, he said that he had heard that Pt has a girlfriend. I said, "Yes". He asked if she was divorced, no. (Note: on my to do list for 2011 is to get that divorce I've talked about for so long now). Then the question all single women get..."Any men in your life?"
Me: No
Dad: Aw, that's too bad, you're a good catch
Me: (thinking) No shit!
Me: (what I actually said): I know
Dad: You don't want to be alone. That's not good.
Me: Don't put your issues on me, I'm happy.
Dad: (in an angry tone) I'm not putting my issues on you. It could be just you or you with 18 cats, I just don't want to see that happen to you.
Me: I made the choice to be on my own right now. I'm good with it, I'm happy with where I am.
Dad: Okay, I just want you to be happy, that's all I want for you.

Okay, seriously, who in their right fucking mind starts off a conversation with 'you don't want to be alone' who's not putting his/her own issues into play? Why are so many people threatened/weirded out/annoyed WHATEVER with the idea that a woman can actually be happy WITHOUT a man (or woman in some cases) in her life? First of all, it was totally healthy for me to take a break from men. I needed to do things. I don't need someone to 'complete me'. Fucking Jerry McGuire making so many people think that co-dependence is a good thing. NO, I don't need anyone to complete me. News flash, I am complete all on my little own!

So then we move on to another topic, who knows, who cares what it was about. He asked a bunch of questions like, "How much is gas out there?" and then proceeded to talk about M's (his girlfriend) gas mileage. Why ask a question if you just want to talk? So I finally answered his question, then...wait for it...still waiting...yup, long awkward pause....Then...
Dad: I'll let you go
Me: okay
Dad: So what's it? 6:30 out there?
Me: yes
Dad: Okay, we should talk more often
Me: (thinking) No shit! You have a phone too, pick it up and dial sometime.
Me: (actually said) Yeah, I have some things that we need to discuss, but I need to write them down first so I don't sound so angry and pissed off.
Dad: No use in being angry
Me:(thinking) You weren't screwed over by your parents
Me: (actually said) I know, I just need to write it down so I don't ramble.
Dad: okay, bye, I love you

So, some may be wondering...What was with the long pause? Well, my bet is M was urging him to get off the phone. She usually does it a little louder so that I hear. Dear aunt told Dad I was pissed about that and he must have told M, forcing her to go all Silent Bob like.
I hung up still pissed off with the whole 'alone' thing. I then poured myself a glass of wine. Which leads me to my second topic...Families lead many people to drink! Yup, I'm one of them!  And this is one of the many reasons why I moved far away from my family!