First, the good. My dog Samson! He really is the best dog ever. I got him after I decided that marriage was not for me anymore. He was a rescue dog...a STUD! The little dude is a prince. He came housebroken, rarely barks, is mellow and generally a great dog. OH and the other super good thing...I got an email from Noa! The creator of Oh, Noa. I sent an email, cuz I'm trying to join The League of Funny Bitches. How cool is that? I got a response from a seriously funny, semi-famous person! Go check out the blog, good shit!

Now the bad. Well, I've started p90x again. I like the results. I mean who doesn't want to look hot? The problem is, I HATE to exercise. The idea of moving my ass off of a couch or out of bed to get all sweaty and shit just doesn't do it for me. I have the desires and aspirations of an overachiever and the motivation of an underachiever...in most things! So I actually drug my ass off the couch and did today's  workout...yoga. I like yoga, I've done yoga for years, it will be a good day....NOT! I couldn't make it through the entire routine. "Clear the mind," he says. Well, how the fuck and I supposed to clear my mind when you won't shut the fuck up!!!! Seriously, someone needs to muzzle the guy from time to time. Look, I get that he has to instruct, but fuck, I don't need to hear soooooo much of him when I should be calm and clearing the mind. Bastard! Oh, and the whole time Panda sat there on his sofa judging me.

Now the leaky...Panda. I welcomed Panda in our -- Samson and my -- lives last October. He's faulty, a manufacturer defect. He leaks. Not a lot, just enough to annoy me and leaves spots...everywhere! I'm not talking about the roll over, pee on myself, 'see I'm your bitch, bitch'. No, I'm not sure when he does this. The boy rarely leaves his sofa. And when he's not there he's under my bed. At any rate, I have little dots that I am constantly cleaning up. Really? Fucking dog!

 
I have confirmed something that I have suspected for a long time...Panda is a Spanish speaker. This means that I live in a multilingual household. Sadly, I only speak 1 language and slaughter a second. The Spaniards are back -- super happy, I've missed them (especially A). Anyway, they came over and were speaking Spanish to the dogs --  this is totally normal and encouraged. I like having multilingual dogs. Anyway, Panda really responded. This means I need to get my Spanish up to snuff in order to speak to one of the members of this household.

Getting the house the way I want it is a big task for one person! I am trying to clean, cook, clean up after the dogs, do yard work (front and back), landscape (the back), set up the garden (now complete -- well almost, need more tomato plants), do laundry, etc. Yea, it's a lot for one person. And that's okay. I know that it will not always be just me, and more importantly, I do the best I can. I do what I can each weekend and am satisfied with the results. I may not get to everything on my list, I may not do all the shopping that I need to do, and I'm okay with that.

And finally, I know I get made fun of for having a 'list' of qualities for a future partner. I'm okay with that too. I know my worth, and what I want. There is no reason to settle for anything less. Well, in full disclosure, there are over 50 items on my list. And to my credit less than 5 have to do with physical attributes -- currently, I can only think of 1. So in short, I think it is a good thing to know what you want -- whether it be in life or a partner. When that right person comes along, I will be happy that I waited and was picky. I know it will be better than I ever imagined.
 
I just have to begin by complimenting Panda (I'm sure he's a reader of this site) on how well behaved he has become when I'm not home! In the beginning, he couldn't help but to mark every damn thing he could lift his leg to -- with the exception of Tootsie and Zig's furniture. It's like someone was watching over it making sure he stayed away. Anyway, I have recently started leaving him out when I"m gone on short jaunts. I have tried this in the past, but had the doggy door closed and a belly band on him. This hasn't worked for a while since he knows how to wriggle out of a belly band. With the doggy door closed, he would lift his leg everywhere! UGH, so annoying. However, I have been leaving the beloved doggy door open and retired the belly band. He hasn't made any messes...at least none that I have found. Today I was gone for 4 hours...no mess, and I don't think he even jumped on the bed -- a no, no for him.

So while I was gone today and Panda was riling up the neighborhood dogs (then running in the house like he had nothing to do with it), I went shopping. Now, it's no secret that I HATE SHOPPING! I hate trying on clothes, I HATE the mirrors, and I hate how all the cool stuff is costly. Today's goal: get a new bra! I am down to 2 and one of them is a sports bra! I bought one a few weeks back, but I hate how it fits. And to complicate matters, I have no idea what size I actually am these days. I know...go get measured. Please remember I live in the middle of nowhere and I went south (Paso Robles) today. Not sure where to get it done down that way. So I enter Target and get some bras to try on. UGH! Those damn mirrors! They LIE!!! Did you know they are actually fun house mirrors (and yes, I know I've blogged about it before. So this just proves that I'm right). Anyway, the stupid mirror gave me rolls...and I don't mean the kind you put butter on and eat. Fucking mirrors. Then, none of the bras fit right...I know....Get measured. I did end up buying one -- the least annoying one.
 
As I sit back and recuperate from the operation last week, I find myself reflecting upon the year and the lessons that I have learned. So in no particular order here are my lessons for the year...
1) Panda knows how to give the stink eye.
2) You do not need to have a 'special someone' in order to enjoy Valentine's Day. (Okay, I bought Samson on Feb. 13 -- Go for it Dr. Freud).
3) Not everyone is aware of the 'no double dipping' rule in public....Isn't that right Juan?!
4) I was a Carbotarian, not a vegetarian.
5) I LOVE boneless skinless chicken breast.
6) Ask and ye shall receive...in reference to surgery last week.
7) If a dog is barking too much on TV, Panda will indeed become insecure, stand up, and pee on that spot -- yup, even if it's on the couch -- learned that one this morning!
8) I can salsa and shimmy like no one else! -- Thank you Zumba
9) One child can make or break a classroom.
10) I deserve to have HBO!
11) I DO NOT like Morphine or Vicodan -- Which has lead me to my next lesson...
12) I'd make a terrible druggie.
13) Cupcakes are REALLY important to some people.

Stay tuned, there are a few more days left in the year. I will add to the list if needed.