So we are back to that 'Special Party'. And after a brief intermission, the kinky shit began....
Yes, it began with the host asking if we knew the difference between a dildo and a vibrator. Then she plunked (isn't that a great word, love it) down a purple dildo complete with a suction cup -- at the bass, not tip. A suction cup at the tip probably exists, just not in this story. And there it sat, next to me on a coffee table, flopping around -- not unlike the real thing, minus the suction cup and coffee table. Nice.... Then the host went on to explain you can put it on a wall or door or shower and 'back on up'. Really? Did I need to hear that? My dirty ass mind could have come up with that on it's own. However, being Polish it would have taken me a little longer. The dildo section of the party was...brief.
Then we moved on to vibrators....HOLY FUCK! I say that because there are a vast variety and well, I'm sure some say that after using one. They came in all sizes, shapes, colors, movements. Let's just say that I will never look at a 'hummingbird' the same way. Then we did what all normal women do with a bunch of vibrators...we tested them out! On our hands, geez, get your minds out of the gutters.
Back to the dildos for a moment....When I was a kid, in the 80's, I loved all the John Hugh's movies. I mean who didn't? Molly Ringwald, Judd Nelson (he has some of the largest nostrils known to man)....Teenage angst. In one movie, I believe it was Breakfast Club, a character used the phrase, "Fucking dildo.' And being a child with crappy vocabulary and a sailor mouth, I knew only 1 of these 2 words. So one day while in the car with my mother we were talking about some relative....no worries, if you are a relative that reads this it's not you (not in contact with this person anymore). Anyway, out of my mouth comes...."She's a dildo." Yes, I should have used that dictionary that my mom gave me before saying such a thing. My mother gently stops the car, looks over at me and asks, "Do you know what a dildo is?" Of course I had no idea, if I did I sure at hell wouldn't have used it in front of her! Meekly I replied, "No." She then proceeded to tell me what it was. I was mortified. How fucking embarrassing! So still to this day when I hear the word dildo, I think of that time in the car with my mother...Fuck, I think I need more therapy!
Yes, it began with the host asking if we knew the difference between a dildo and a vibrator. Then she plunked (isn't that a great word, love it) down a purple dildo complete with a suction cup -- at the bass, not tip. A suction cup at the tip probably exists, just not in this story. And there it sat, next to me on a coffee table, flopping around -- not unlike the real thing, minus the suction cup and coffee table. Nice.... Then the host went on to explain you can put it on a wall or door or shower and 'back on up'. Really? Did I need to hear that? My dirty ass mind could have come up with that on it's own. However, being Polish it would have taken me a little longer. The dildo section of the party was...brief.
Then we moved on to vibrators....HOLY FUCK! I say that because there are a vast variety and well, I'm sure some say that after using one. They came in all sizes, shapes, colors, movements. Let's just say that I will never look at a 'hummingbird' the same way. Then we did what all normal women do with a bunch of vibrators...we tested them out! On our hands, geez, get your minds out of the gutters.
Back to the dildos for a moment....When I was a kid, in the 80's, I loved all the John Hugh's movies. I mean who didn't? Molly Ringwald, Judd Nelson (he has some of the largest nostrils known to man)....Teenage angst. In one movie, I believe it was Breakfast Club, a character used the phrase, "Fucking dildo.' And being a child with crappy vocabulary and a sailor mouth, I knew only 1 of these 2 words. So one day while in the car with my mother we were talking about some relative....no worries, if you are a relative that reads this it's not you (not in contact with this person anymore). Anyway, out of my mouth comes...."She's a dildo." Yes, I should have used that dictionary that my mom gave me before saying such a thing. My mother gently stops the car, looks over at me and asks, "Do you know what a dildo is?" Of course I had no idea, if I did I sure at hell wouldn't have used it in front of her! Meekly I replied, "No." She then proceeded to tell me what it was. I was mortified. How fucking embarrassing! So still to this day when I hear the word dildo, I think of that time in the car with my mother...Fuck, I think I need more therapy!