We begin with the creature that scared the shit out of me at 2:30 in the morning...a possum! They are some noisy ass climbers. I was sound asleep when I heard a massive ruckus outside. I was sleeping with the slider open as it was a nice, cool evening. I mean, who doesn't like to be all snugly warm and have the cool air on your face as you sleep? At first, I thought someone had snuck into my backyard, then realized that it was an animal crawling along the back fence. So, I got up, turned on the light -- remember, I have self-diagnosed plantar fasciitis, so I am hobbling around like a drunkard -- and watch an ugly ass creature with a rat-like tail climb down one of the trees (it rests along the back fence). I then begin watching it with fascination as it sniffs along the grass. Then...I remember the doggie door! So now images of this thing crawling into the house, walking around the house, Samson and me barricaded in the bedroom while I call 911 rush through my mind. Let's face it, Samson is a wuss and runs away from cats. What the hell's he gonna do with a real wild animal. So I run -- ok, quickly stumble -- down the hall to the side slider (where the doggie door is located) and close it. I continue watching the possum for a few minutes...they sniff a lot! It then found some apples that fell off my tree and started chomping them. I then lost him -- or her -- on the side of the yard where there is no light. And there was no way in hell that I was going outside just to see some stupid creature.
The person who designed textured walls is an idiot. The person who decided that said textured walls should be installed in homes is an ASSHOLE!! I have been painting my new corner office. I decided that it would be nice to paint it a light blue with one accent wall of a darker blue from the same paint strip. I have learned that painting a light color of stupid, fucking textured walls is waaay easier. Why? Because you can't see every single little pocket that you may have missed. Oh, and these stupid walls allow cob webs to grow and prosper. WTF??? I have better things to do with my day than to take down cob webs from textured walls...Assholes!
Finally, I am a sucker. Yes, there is a large blinking neon sign on my forehead that only friends who sell crap can see. If you invite me to a party -- tupperware, candles, makeup, etc. -- I will buy shit cuz the pitch gets me. So knowing this I go into these fucking parties with the mindset, "I'm here for free food, maybe free shit, but I'm NOT buying anything." And every time I walk out having ordered some shit. So, it happened again this week. A good friend of mine invited me to one of these parties -- oh, yeah, and let's not forget they ALWAYS want you to become a pusher like them -- and yes I walked out having ordered a ton of this shit. This friend knew that I liked organic stuff and it was a party for organic cleaners, vitamins, and other products. I will say that after doing some research there were very few negative things said about the product. Don't get me wrong it's one of those pyramid schemes where if you become a pusher -- they call them agents or sales reps. -- you earn money and the more people you can get to become pushers you earn more money. So while I constantly walk out of these parties ordering a ton of shit, I NEVER agree to become a pusher. I have to say though, when I have bought shit it has all turned out well in the end. But still...I have that damn sign on my forehead!!! Oh, and I will keep you posted as to the effectiveness of the crap I bought. I secretly hope it's good.
The person who designed textured walls is an idiot. The person who decided that said textured walls should be installed in homes is an ASSHOLE!! I have been painting my new corner office. I decided that it would be nice to paint it a light blue with one accent wall of a darker blue from the same paint strip. I have learned that painting a light color of stupid, fucking textured walls is waaay easier. Why? Because you can't see every single little pocket that you may have missed. Oh, and these stupid walls allow cob webs to grow and prosper. WTF??? I have better things to do with my day than to take down cob webs from textured walls...Assholes!
Finally, I am a sucker. Yes, there is a large blinking neon sign on my forehead that only friends who sell crap can see. If you invite me to a party -- tupperware, candles, makeup, etc. -- I will buy shit cuz the pitch gets me. So knowing this I go into these fucking parties with the mindset, "I'm here for free food, maybe free shit, but I'm NOT buying anything." And every time I walk out having ordered some shit. So, it happened again this week. A good friend of mine invited me to one of these parties -- oh, yeah, and let's not forget they ALWAYS want you to become a pusher like them -- and yes I walked out having ordered a ton of this shit. This friend knew that I liked organic stuff and it was a party for organic cleaners, vitamins, and other products. I will say that after doing some research there were very few negative things said about the product. Don't get me wrong it's one of those pyramid schemes where if you become a pusher -- they call them agents or sales reps. -- you earn money and the more people you can get to become pushers you earn more money. So while I constantly walk out of these parties ordering a ton of shit, I NEVER agree to become a pusher. I have to say though, when I have bought shit it has all turned out well in the end. But still...I have that damn sign on my forehead!!! Oh, and I will keep you posted as to the effectiveness of the crap I bought. I secretly hope it's good.